CAMHS Services around the country are often under-resourced and over-stretched. If a child or young person develops a mental health issue, CAMHS may be able to offer regular appointments but there may be a long waiting list for an initial appointment. Most young people with a mental health issue are at home for most of the time, and that means there are thousands of parents who are the only or main mental health safety net their children have. I’ve been one of those parents, and it’s a very scary and isolating place to be. Along the way I learnt some things that might be helpful to other parents which I’m passing on here.
I have no psychological training whatsoever. I am not an expert, so these tips are not intended to be used instead of support from mental health professionals. These are “stop-gap” ideas for when you are on a long CAMHS waiting list, or when such support is not available at all to your family.
There are dozens of reasons why a child might have developed mental health issues, so here I’ll only be dealing with general, fairly universal coping strategies to hold the fort until things either get better or more formal support becomes available.
Don’t beat yourself up
Your child’s mental health condition is not your fault. Your child has a disorder or a condition or an illness that is as real and as concrete as any physical illness, except that there is far more stigma attached to having a MH condition, as well as far less understanding and empathy extended to those who have them. MH issues are rarely discussed, so we are not comfortable with the vocabulary, nor are we familiar with the symptoms and behaviours associated with these conditions. Parents often soul search to try and remember an incident or a moment when “it all went wrong”, but there almost certainly aren’t any. MH issues are complex, multi-layered and unique to each individual. They are almost never caused by something a parent did or didn’t do, so please stop beating yourself up. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
It’s not your child’s fault either
He or she isn’t behaving this way because they want to, or because they are being naughty, or because they want to upset you or wind you up. They have no choice; their MH condition is causing any unusual behaviour or symptoms, they don’t want to be like this. Inside they are hurting like hell, and just like the adults around them, they too don’t understand why or have the vocabulary to explain how they feel or why they are behaving like they are. They are frightened, they are unlikely to have any greater insight as to what is happening to them than you have.
Take care of yourself too
There are no quick fixes or instant solutions to MH difficulties, you and your child are likely to be in this for the long-haul. It helps if you can accept this as the reality as soon as you can, and then plan ways to look after yourself. Looking after yourself is essential; your child needs you to be there for them and to be as strong emotionally as you possibly can be. Seeing your child in inner turmoil is one of the hardest things for a loving parent to bear; it hurts like hell, it tears us apart, and it is frightening and bewildering. You will be tired and drained, your thoughts will be working in over-drive, and you are at risk of a depressive illness yourself unless you can find a way to pace yourself, switch off sometimes, and take time out. Make sure you always have at least some ring-fenced time just for you every day. See if there is anyone else – a partner, a relative, a good friend – who can take over the reins and be with your child instead of you sometimes so that you can get out of the house and recharge your own batteries.
Protect your child from your own negative feelings
Your child is having enough of a tough time dealing with their own emotions, they simply don’t have the resources or the resilience at the moment to deal with yours too. A lot of us make the mistake as parents of trying to let our child know how much we love them by telling them how upset/hurt/frightened/worried/whatever we are about them. We may keep on trying to demonstrate our love by insisting on hugs all the time or sitting next to them telling them how much we love them while we are unable to hide our own tears. Right now, your child needs to know that you love them, but they can’t handle knowing how much their own MH issues are impacting on your own emotions. They need to know that you are there for them, strong and able to cope. If they see you wobble, they may feel their whole world is shaky, and to see how their problems are affecting you may make them feel incredibly guilty on top of the already negative emotions they are struggling to cope with.
Keeping the channels of communication open
Parents often feel a need to talk the MH issues over with their child repeatedly, trying to reason with them, or to encourage their child to reveal their innermost thoughts and feelings. It’s not going to help, and it could make your child feel worse. Instead, do everything you can to keep the channels of communication open, but in a way that is friendly, chatty, open and as normal as possible. I know that’s hard, particularly if your child is withdrawn or aggressive or you’re facing some very difficult challenging behaviour, but it is so important. Even if any attempt at conversation is always met with grunts, or shouts or something being thrown at you, carry on making attempts at conversation. These conversations are sometimes very one-sided, often uncomfortably so, but they are vitally important.
The teenage son of a friend of mine had a very serious depression that lasted several years, and he made a number of very determined suicide attempts during this period. It was very normal for him to withdraw to his bedroom for days at a time, lying on his bed, doing nothing other than stare at the ceiling. His mum, worried sick that he might be making yet another suicide attempt, used to ensure she went up to his bedroom at least once an hour and chatted to him. He rarely replied or even acknowledged she was there. She racked her brains to find things to talk about but always managed to talk about something, no matter how mundane or boring. For all those years she felt he was hostile and resentful towards her, she felt that all his troubles were in some way her fault. She even wondered if her continual nattering was making his depression worse.
He made a full recovery in his late teens, and some years later they were talking about those years, and she admitted that she always felt awkward coming into his room and forcing him to listen to her prattling away about nothing. Her son was astounded, and then gave her the biggest hug he’d ever given her. “Mum, you were what kept me going”, he said. “Through everything, I always knew you were there and you hadn’t given up on me. I used to love those chats, and when I heard you coming up the stairs I felt something close to happy”. At the time, she hadn’t had a clue that she even mattered to him, she had had no inkling whatsoever that she was lightening his load a little by her perseverance. I’ll never forget that story, and it has helped me enormously at times with my own children.
Invent your own MH vocabulary
Whilst it’s probably not a good idea to try and probe deeply into your child’s difficult feelings, it can be useful to have some way for them to communicate whether it’s a good or a bad day, and whether they feel up to doing something or if they need to be left alone. If you can, encourage your child to find their own name for their moods. I know a child who was either having a “chocolate” day or a “broccoli” day. Some children can express their moods by using words like “metal”, “wood” or “gooey”. Some families successfully adopt a number system – 10 means that a child feels up to eating a whole meal with the rest of the family whereas a 1 or a 2 indicates that they feel very vulnerable indeed. Animals or colours work well sometimes, too. Suggest the idea to your child, but if they can choose their own words for it, so much the better. Anything at all that keeps them in the driving seat can only be good.
Connectedness
I’ve recently read about how important it is for people with MH issues to stay connected with others. A sense of connectedness can actually have a preventative effect on suicide risk; those with strong connections to others are less likely to take their own lives than those who feel isolated and unconnected. The more connections you can keep going for your child the better. Even if they are in their bedroom most of the time, you can still have friends and family coming over, who can pop their heads around the bedroom door to say hello while they are in the house.
It’s also often easier to chat with any child, regardless of their mental health status, when there is something else happening. Many parents have found their child suddenly opens up on a car journey, or when watching TV or cooking together. Sometimes it may be that its easier to talk more naturally when they are distracted, or when they aren’t expected to maintain eye contact.
All behaviour is communication
Sometimes a child with mental health issues can behave in such a way that they can be hard to like, never mind love, all the time. It’s perfectly normal to have negative feelings about your child sometimes, so again, please don’t beat yourself up over it. It helps to try to separate the behaviour from the child, so that you can love the child without liking their behaviour.
All behaviour is communication, or so the experts say. Your child is behaving in a particular way because somehow, deep down, there may be some pay off; in some way the behaviour is serving a purpose. There will be some sort of logic behind whatever behaviour they are exhibiting. Children with sensory processing disorders sometimes have aggressive meltdowns to try and stop them from hearing, seeing or smelling anything else because they are already on sensory overload. It’s well documented that teenagers who cut themselves do it to distract themselves from a deeper emotional pain. Children sometimes hurt others as a way to let the adults close to them know that they have been hurt in some way. Try and trust your child, try not to judge them, just let them know they are loved. They are not doing these things to be naughty, they are doing them because they are hurting, so punishment will only hurt them further, and may damage the trust you and they need to have in one another.
Finally, beware of the armchair psychologists!
Every family has them; people in your closest circle who will not be backwards in coming forwards to tell you exactly what you’re doing wrong as a parent, and what you should be doing instead. Any sentence that starts “Well, in my day….” or “You’re much too soft…..” or ” What that kid needs is a …..” or “Well my children would never dream of doing…..” is unlikely to auger well.
Remember, nobody else has ever brought your children up, and that makes you the undeniable expert, and a pretty damned good one at that!
Next Steps…..
Webinars and training, Facebook Support, resources to read or watch
Have you been to one of Yvonne’s webinars yet?
They cover a range of topics relating to behaviour issues in children with additional needs, and are packed full of insights and strategies that can help you to support a child in moving beyond their extreme behaviour patterns towards much happier and calmer times with a brighter and much more hopeful future to look forward to. Due to NHS England Funding, current webinars only cost £2.50 each, with free places for families in financial hardship. For more information please click this link – https://yvonnenewbold.com/webinars-workshops-courses-and-books/
What People Say about them
Excellent and life-changing
The day has been useful, amazing, excellent and informative with extraordinary people. Thank you Yvonne and Malcolm for doing all you are doing to help us and to make the world a better place for children with special needs and their families.
Listening to a speaker who was so experienced because of her own child having this, and not just what she has read. I’ve now learnt what I have to do to make my son’s life happier
I feel really empowered
It was good to feel part of a group with no judgement, just understanding, as part of this wonderful workshop ethos. It gave me a sense of strength and of being loved, the way it was delivered was excellent
It helped me to think about my reactions and to consider the overwhelming anxiety that my son faces, and to think more from my son’s point of view and experience
It was really helpful to be directed to think about things that I can think about and change in life to feel stronger and to find more confidence to deal with difficult situations
Big thanks to both of you for doing this – your courses and FB groups are an island of positivity and help when there is not much else!
Many thanks for an interesting morning and I’ll take away lots of ideas to put into practice.
Both sessions were extremely useful. Thank goodness sensible people are talking about these issues
It was excellent from beginning to end. Yvonne’s presentation was very informative and helpful, and very much moved me. Was such a comfort to know others go through VCB too. First time today that I’ve admitted it to anyone outside of my family. Some useful strategies too. Extremely helpful and most of all, it gave me renewed hope
Thank you so much for today – I’ve learnt loads and been really inspired. Yvonne is needed in the special needs world! Talk with passion and respect for the people they work with and family
Amazing to fit so much in such a short time and presented it so well
Being in a room where everyone knew what you are talking about
Hearing that “This is not my fault”. Yvonne’s wonderful delivery and enthusiasm on their subjects plus practical strategies
More Support
Yvonne runs a Facebook Page called The SEND Parent’s Handbook for parents of children with disabilities and the professionals who work with their families.
If you are a parent of a child who has SEND VCB, Yvonne also runs a closed Facebook Support group, which you would be welcome to join, called The SEND VCB Project – Support Group for Families
There is another Facebook Page called The SEND VCB Project – Public Page which is for anyone to find out more about this and closely related issues, and it’s open to everyone
Resources on SEND VCB – for families and professionals who work with children or vulnerable adults
If you’d like to buy a copy of “The Special Parent’s Handbook”, which is the book I wish someone had been able to give me on the day Toby was born. It’s got virtually everything I’ve learnt since about Additional Needs Parenting so that SEND parents don’t have to go it totally alone. 
Here’s the link to order yours
Alternatively you can order it from Amazon – here’s the link to the page
Yvonne is a member of the Amazon Affiliates Program which means that if you click on an Amazon link from this website and subsequently make a purchase, she will be paid a small commission.
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sure it should be CAMHS
My daughter is under camhs the old way. Had a fantastic dr they wiuld always help with a phonecall. Now new way dr left which is terrible as we were not warned we have had him for 7 years. Going through a bad patch phnd emergency number at ST PETERS HOSPITAL LEFT A MESSAGE still waiting for a duty officer to phone back 1 WEEK LATER. Really are things meant to be getting better i dont think so.
Yes def camhs my daughter at the camhs ashford middx they said phone st peters for a call back from a professional at st peters camhs. I phnd again left another message still no reply
children and adolescent mental health service
?
Thank you for pointing this out – you’re absolutely right! I’ve corrected it.
found this very helpful right now thank you xxx
Thank you for letting me know, Dominique, I’m pleased you found it helpful. Very best wishes for you and your family, and I sincerely hope things resolve themselves quickly. Yvonne
Thank you for letting me know, Dominique. Whatever you and your children are going through right now, I hope it gets better for all of you very soon. Very best wishes, Yvonne xxx
we are have been having a torrid time for last few years with our daughter.
she is now 11 and getting harder all the time. she has held a knife to me, beat my wife and smashed up the house.me and my wife are now both on deppresion tablets.
we was seeing CAMHS but they stopped turning up for school taff meetings, failed to turn up at clinics where they sent an appointment to meet us and now dont return our calls or contact us at all, we have a family liason who has also been trying to contact them and she cant get any return from them either.
We can relate so much of what you have written and we are going to print this article to let people around us read it and maybe they might understand more in the future about why our daughter acts the way she does.
HI Mark, thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I’m so desperately sorry for what your family is coping with at the moment. If it’s any consolation whatsoever, please know that you are not alone in this; there are literally thousands of families all over the country who are feeling isolated and unsupported, and trying to deal with the impossible all by themselves. It’s hard too because there is such a stigma surrounding it, and unless you’ve had to face similar problems, people really struggle to understand what it’s like. If you came over to my FB page there are other parents there facing similar things and there is some mutual support on there between parents. Have you also been in touch with Young Minds? They and similar charities and organisations can sometimes offer families support too. Please take care, and don’t forget to look after yourselves too in all of this. Sending you every good wish for you to find a way quickly to help your daughter through this terrible time for all of you. Yvonne x
Your article is absolutely fine Yvonne, what makes me angry at times is the use of the phrase ‘ you are not alone’. Of course throughout whatever issues I have had to face, I know countless other parents/carers like me are facing them. Telling someone they are not alone does not offer the solution, it may console them to know that they are not in isolation, but what they need is a solution to alleviate the problem. It is good though to note that you have signposted Mark Roberts to groups/organisations who may be able to offer him and his family support.
I share your anger, and I totally agree that parents and carers need solutions, but the reality is that mental health services are overstretched and many families cannot access them, or have to wait intolerable months to do so. Even when a family is able to engage with a specialist team they may not be given a “solution”, mental health issues can be very complex. I am a parent, writing from experience to do what I can to help other parents. I wish i had the answers, but I don’t. I do know that many parents feel very isolated and alone in dealing with their children’s MH difficulties, it can be bewildering and frightening, particularly in the absence of specialist advice. It sounds as if you have faced similar issues, and I really hope you have been able to find a way through them with solutions that have worked. Very best wishes, Yvonne x
Thank you Yvonnex
You’re very welcome, Mark x
What an excellent piece, my daughter aged 13 is going through so much and CAMHS just havent been able to get to the bottom of whats going on nearly a year later, I have worked tirelessly with her trying to keep her motivated and sometimes just trying to keep her alive, its so hard but this gives me hope that Im not the only one and Ive got to just keep going, thanks so much x
Thank you Daisychain, I’m so glad you’ve found at least a little comfort from reading this – please never think you’re the only one, sadly this sort of thing is affecting thousands of families all over the country. I’m so sorry about what you’re going through with your daughter. I’ve been there, and it’s so difficult to know what to do or say, and how to be around a child who is in such inner distress. It’s also exhausting and very frightening indeed. It sounds like you’re doing everything you possibly can, and that you’re doing a fab job, but we all can only do what we can do, making up it as we go along with no road-map, guidebook or anyone able to point us in the right direction. It’s the connectedness that I think is the most vital thing we can do – just somehow keep talking, even if she isn’t talking back. Also, if you’re on Facebook, I have a FB page especially for parents of children with disabilities or long term illness, and there are quite a few parents coping with MH issues who visit it and comment, which is a good way of offering each other mutual support. Please feel free to join in if you think it might help in any way. Here’s the
link https://www.facebook.com/thespecialparentshandbook?ref=hl
Very best wishes for you and your daughter – I hope things start to get better very soon. Take care, Yvonne xxx
Fantastically put together Yvonne. We are going through a very very difficult time with our daughter for the last few years and it’s harder it’s getting day by day with no answers. It’s good to know we are not alone in a very isolating time in our lives xxxx
Thank you for being so positive about this post, I really appreciate it. I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter, but you aren’t alone by any means, and just try and hang on in there and take it a day at a time. It’s so hard, and we have to make it up as we go along and that’s really tough because very few of us have the confidence to know whether what we’re doing and saying is helping or not, but it’s all we have sometimes. We were lucky, it took three very long years, but we’re out the other side and right now things are very good, much better than I once ever dared hope for. However, I never dare take my eye off the ball and I know only too well how quickly things could become scarily fragile all over again. Sending you virtual hugs and as much positive thoughts and strength as I can. Yvonne xxx
I am new to this and finding it incredible difficult, but I feel after reading and re reading this, it may help to let close friends and family members read this, to get some sort of insight of why I’m struggling, I want to help my child but am very aware that I also need to help myself………thankyou xx
I’m so sorry you’re going through this too with your child. I completely understand how very difficult you must be finding it. It hits us like a brick, it often seems to come from absolutely nowhere, and as parents we don’t have the skills or the experience to know how to help our children, particularly in the early days. It’s overwhelming, and we feel completely lost. I wish I could give you a hug, but I hope you are getting lots of support through this from friends and family. Take care, very best wishes, and I hope things get better very very soon. Yvonne xx
PS Apologies for the late reply – I’ve only just seen your comment xx
Thankyou – more up days than down at the moment, but still on waiting list, I however am attending a workshop organised by CAMHS called FLASH – Families Living with Adolescents who Self Harm……I am finding it very helpful, and very supportive – anyone who gets the opportunity to go on anything like this – try it. I was never one for counselling or anything like that, but because it’s my child, I gave it a try, and I’m glad I did
Thanks for this article it’s so true and very helpful. My 11 yr old daughter was lucky enough to get an appointment with camhs but it has not helped as the person from there just compared to her own daughter. My daughters anxiety has now got worse,has only left home once in 3wks and not going to school. We have a family support worker and finally have a psychologist appointment(daughter has type 1 diabetes too)but it is frustrating and I have had to seek help for myself too. Thanks once again going to use some of this article.x
Hi Dawn, I’m so sorry you and your daughter are going through all of this, it really is awful when you wait for an appointment that your child needs so badly and then there is a disconnect with the person you see so that you’re virtually back at square one. Fingers crossed for the Psychology appointment, I do hope things work out for you soon. Trust your instinct, support your little girl in every way that you can, and together you will get through this. Mental health and anxiety issues are so hard for parents to cope with because we feel so out of our depth, but you are probably the person your daughter needs most in the world right now, even though it might not always feel like that. Try and find ways to take care of yourself too if you possibly can – you need some battery recharging time to keep going. Take care, good luck and very best wishes. Yvonne xxx
Excellent and couldn’t have been posted at a better time for me
Thank you, I’m glad you found it when you need it most, and I hope things get better soon for you and your family. Yvonne xx
We are sure something is not right with our son he has always had horrendous aggressive periods but then hits himself and says things like he is a monster and says he doesn’t know why he does it
when he was very small it was like a red mist and could last from as little as 10 mins or as long as an hour or more but he often didn’t remember any of it but now he really gets upset after and says he knows hitting us and throwing things and smashing things up is wrong but he says he cant stop it as he doesn’t know why he does it it just makes me so very sad seeing him hurting and I just don’t know how to help him 😢
Oh Jean, you must be worried out of your mind with your son, I’m so sorry you and he are going through this at the moment. You aren’t alone, lots of children completely lose control and become aggressive like this, but knowing that there are other families in the same situation doesn’t really help when you’re right in the middle of an angry outburst. Have you seen your GP and asked for a referral to CAMHS? It does sound as if your son needs help, and you need help too in knowing how best to help and support him. Trust yourself and your instincts too – when it comes to mental health difficulties we always feel completely lost and we don’t think we know what to do, but he needs you more than ever at the moment even if he can’t express it and the aggression seems like he’s sometimes pushing you away. Hang on in there, stay as calm and as reassuring as you can, and I really hope you can access some specialist help very soon. Take care and please try and find time for you too – you are important and you have to look after yourself for everyone’s sake. Yvonne xxx
Jean, I maybe way off here and dont want to scare you. Has your son been assessed for Epilesy? Not the Tonic Clonic type, but Frontal Lobe? What you describe could be a seizure – worth exploring?
Thank you. I like the pictures. As an adult I’ve found what you write encouraging
Thank you Elizabeth, that’s lovely feedback. I tried to find nice calming and peaceful looking photos, so it’s lovely to know they are appreciated. Yvonne x
Well, CAMHS consistently blame us and I am being coerced (again) to do yet another parenting course. How many people does this happen to? Cuts may be more severe now but Manchester CAMHS were pretty poor beforehand, forcing us to move house to get actual medical care! Failing to recognise very obvious autism and blaming parents has meant that my child has actual physical conditions as well that she didn’t have before.
Oh Ruth, I’m so sorry you’re not getting the help your child needs, and you are echoing what so many parents across the country are experiencing in trying to access the right help. And “another parenting course” ? Because it’s much easier to make the parent feel that it must be all their fault than to actually address the problem. I’m so so sorry that your family is left feeling so unsupported. That’s why I wrote this, because the reality for families is that we are left to cope with very little specialist help, and for most of us, mental health issues are completely outside of our experience and we feel totally out of our depth. I also wanted parents to know that they aren’t the only ones going through this, because at the time we were really struggling I felt very isolated and alone, and I think that’s the experience of many others too. I hope things get better soon, and it sounds as if you are doing everything you can to help your child through this difficult times. Take care. Yvonne
Nice article
We approached CAMHs when DS was in the throws of being assessed, but were unable to access services. I did see the Primary MH nurse a couple of time, to be told his issues were due to my anxiety, being a single parent, he needed firm boundaries and behaviours were in line with an Autism diagnosis. I was given coping ‘strategies.’
However, not satisfied with that response, I sought private play therapy/Counselling following incidents where he ‘wished he was dead’ and wanted to ‘kill himself’ and began pulling large amounts of hair out. A bit later, a few years of heavy violence/aggression began (he is still quite aggressive verbally due to anxiety) I arranged NLP and autism specific behavioral therapy and began a Masters in Autism. At the time, I was hit/kicked/punched/hair pulled etc you get the picture 😉 he also made a noose in the bedroom and pulled a knife to my throat. Sadly, this behaviour did not warrant CAMHS input, and I was told to ring the police. So yep, you guessed it….. More therapy! As a result, the physical violence has dissipated 🙂 I’ve witnessed 1 blip in 2 years. For the last year, we have a Counsellor/CBT/Emotional Literacy lady who comes to to the house fortnightly. I am so lucky to have found her, we both see her alternative weeks. It benefits us both 🙂 and sadly, still no CAMHs input, BUT from the stories be heard about our local CAMHS unit I’m glad we aren’t ‘on their books.’
DS is now about to hit the teenage years, first year of comp went well 🙂 no MAJOR issues – just a few meltdowns 😉 Was it hard work? yes! Am I exhausted most of the time, you bet! So I joined a gym about 2 months ago as I’m also mid menopause! and last month I’ve joined him too, and he loves it. He goes into adult classes and bosses everyone around lol it’s done wonders, burning off all that energy! Once he is 13, he’s joining Army Cadets, his choice over the RAF 😉 he also, plays football, and goes to Tech Club and has LOTS of down time on his gadgets 😉
It’s not an easy journey, it has it’s highs and lows, but having a private therapist works for us. My rationale is I don’t drink or buy expensive clothes etc so the money I would spend on those goes on therapy instead. As a result home life is more manageable 🙂
Who needs CAMHs lol
…. What about an article relating to Social Services? … Being unable to access that is another story 😉
Oh Jeni, what a story! I’m so sorry you’ve been through such awful times and with such little support from the statutory services. It also seems as if you’ve had to cope with that other old chestnut – parent blaming – too. It’s so much easier to blame parents than it is to provide the interventions that might help, and it’s also so undermining to approach services for help, only to be refused and told that it’s all your fault. I’m so pleased that you’ve managed to find other interventions yourself. You are a very strong lady and your son if very lucky to have you on his side. I hope things get better, and that the puberty years pass relatively easily. Wishing you and your son all the very best for the future. Yvonne
We are currently trying to access CAMHS for my 7 year old who has attempted (any nearly successfully) several times to ‘kill’ himself, he has tried to hang himself and also tried to cut his wrists, this is all a side effect of his ‘potential ADHD’ and his GP or paediatrician wont medicate to help him because he is a little lighter than they want him to be, but he wont eat because of his anxiety. Vicious Circle. I have tried I couple of your technics above (the idea of a code word for how his is feeling) and it works quite well and actually has been successful some of the time to give him his own space when eating if he’s having a ‘blue’ day (bad). Its disgusting how long the waiting list is, why is this not more funded? its been 18 months with living with this and its now starting to effect his brother (who is 5).
I’m sad but also relived (please don’t take that the wrong way) that I’m not the only parent going through this sort of thing with CAMHS because they make me feel like I’m an overprotective mother and I’m exaggerating every time I speak to them, yet they are still unwilling to help! Lets hope they sort something out for all the children not just mine in the very near future 🙁
Hi Rebecca, I’m so sorry to hear about your little boy, that must be absolutely heart-breaking. He is obviously desperately unhappy which must be awful for you to watch, and then not to be able to access the help he needs when he is still so little and vulnerable is just so wrong. I wish I could do something to help. And the overprotective mother thing too, as if you’re not feeling bad enough, when you feel that they are judging you unfairly instead of helping if all just conspires to make everything that little bit worse. I so get that feeling that you aren’t the only one. Please please know and believe that this is not your fault, nor is it your little boy’s fault. He needs help in exactly the same way that he would if he had a broken leg, but the help just isn’t happening quickly enough. Please keep going, keep banging on doors and don’t be fobbed off. You are his mum, your instinct is finely tuned as to what he needs. Are you on The SEND Parent’s handbook page too? It’s my FB page and I share all sorts of posts that just might help in different ways, plus there’s a lovely community feel about it with parents supporting each other. Meanwhile, huge hugs, and hoping things get better for you little lad as soon as they can. Yvonne xxx
This is just what I needed to read. Thank you xx. We are having an awful time due to my daughter being bullied at school (which have been no help!)
This is an encouraging read. We’ve had no luck with Cahms for the last two years. What we find hard is our son who’s 7 , he gets such a hard time and having our daughter who is struggling I find my focus is with her. How do you find a balance having them both? Thank you
This is a good read I am struggling with getting help for my son we went through cahms a few years ago and they discharged him because they didn’t see what I was telling them the way he likes different materials shoes food anxiety rocking back and fourth hair pulling wanting to kill himself hurting his brother and me behaviour getting worse. Doctors won’t refer and being told it’s because I got four boys and it’s my fault. Not sure what to do..were to go..
I thought that the article was really well written as well as being informative. I work in a school; would you mind if I used it and sent it to some of my parents? It gives hope. Thank you.
Communication is key. I’ve unquestionable love for my Spirited child.
My son is 19 and was in a psychiatric unit last year. He now lives alone because the “services” on offer said he had missed an appointment even though he had explained that he can’t get on public transport or a car. I worry all the time and I know sometimes he doesn’t want to talk but I still message him every day just to say I’m here if he needs me and tell him all the other news I have – sometimes he doesn’t reply but that’s okay. I also tell him I love him no matter what but it is hard when it’s someone you love.
My daughter had not wanted to speak to me about what was going on or why she self harmed apart from she was sad and depressed
Then we go to cahms and was both put in a room together with one of there workers and she had to speak about what was going on .she never said everything but I felt this was wrong to do it that way .
She now doesn’t want to go back there either
6 and a half years; still waiting for any practical support from CAMHS. Sent on the obligatory parenting course, to be told by the leaders that “this course isn’t for people like you with children with issues like that”. DS has many signs of autism, but due to the incompetency of primary school SENDCO, CAMHS refuses to consider this (although secondary school SENDCO is treating him as autistic with positive results and has told CAMHS this). Appointment cancelled by them a month and a half ago with a promise to call back next week to make another. Still waiting. Simple courtesy costs nothing & can make such a difference to parents suffering through the violent episodes of their children. We are desperate for help with him. He is desperate for help. Yet CAMHS keeps fobbing us off. Their lack of treatment is bordering upon psychological abuse; we are constantly told it’s “our fault” (yet they won’t listen to the people leading all the courses we’ve been on to ‘jump through their hoops’, where they have said that we’re already doing everything they suggest). Don’t know how to get him the help he so clearly needs.
Depressing lack of help from CAMHS, with waiting list over 2 years long for diagnosis or mental health support. Obviously stretched for resources and staff. At our wits’ end, we called upon Relate and Mind charities for support. They have been Godsends for our sanity and to access counselling for our autistic child.
Thank you so much, A! Been in touch with Mind this morning & already had a reply to say that we can see one of their counsellors early next week!
This is an amazing article and so pertinent. Thank you so much…. wish I’d read this 3 years ago xx
What an informative read!
Are there anymore dates for 2019, please?
Hi Elizabeth, thank you for your lovely feedback and oops! Thank you for letting me know I haven’t got around to updating the new Workshop dates into this post. Give me 15 mins and I’ll be doing it right now, but meanwhile, here’s the Eventbrite homepage link with all the workshop dates at the bottom of the page. Very best wishes, Yvonne https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/o/yvonne-newbold-8291024737
I feel Camhs as they are now are not fit for purpose. In my experience of camhs they never followed through with a proper assessment of my son they told me he doesn’t have learning or speech impairment which have been diagnosed and been rechecked for years. They basically told me he was not mentally challenged. I’ve been 8 years on this journey my son has been self harming has massive meltdowns and is not coping with his education
I’m so concerned for his future. Camhs tried too make it about me and my parenting but hey I’m getting used too that. They offered no service and discharged him. I’m sick of my son been thrown from pillar too post. Yes he masks and acts the fool however he is also struggling severely. U am so tired but I will never give up any suggestions would be greatly received.